i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
