I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
