I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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