last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
