Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
