just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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