Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
