Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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