I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
