I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
