I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am one with the molecules
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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