Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
