ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
