The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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