every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
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you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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