You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
