life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
