now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
