If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
