ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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