An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
