I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
