I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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