we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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