Sry I called you an 8
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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