between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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