Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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