i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
