just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
