He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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