so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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