How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
