Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
