I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
