I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
