Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
