His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
