Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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