so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think my fart just growled at me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
