I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
