Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
