My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
