Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
