how do flat chested girls get laid?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
