No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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