Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
