My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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