1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there was a trapeze. enough said
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
