i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
