totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
