I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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