so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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