I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
