The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
