how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
