I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
