They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
