So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
