Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
