he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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