So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
