I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
