I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
