Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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