we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
