haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
