You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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