I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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