Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
