i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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