They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
