my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
