Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
