Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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